{"id":11108,"date":"2023-01-22T12:40:18","date_gmt":"2023-01-22T11:40:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dev.inkovema.de\/?p=11108"},"modified":"2025-08-05T11:00:17","modified_gmt":"2025-08-05T09:00:17","slug":"apologising-difficult-conversations-v-balling-inkovema-podcast-111","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dev.inkovema.de\/en\/blog\/apologising-difficult-conversations-v-balling-inkovema-podcast-111\/","title":{"rendered":"The apology conversation. Having difficult conversations V &#8211; In conversation with Rolf Balling (INKOVEMA Podcast #111)"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"fusion-fullwidth fullwidth-box fusion-builder-row-1 fusion-flex-container gradient-container-1 nonhundred-percent-fullwidth non-hundred-percent-height-scrolling\" style=\"--awb-border-radius-top-left:0px;--awb-border-radius-top-right:0px;--awb-border-radius-bottom-right:0px;--awb-border-radius-bottom-left:0px;--awb-flex-wrap:wrap;\" ><div class=\"fusion-builder-row fusion-row fusion-flex-align-items-flex-start fusion-flex-content-wrap\" style=\"max-width:1144px;margin-left: calc(-4% \/ 2 );margin-right: calc(-4% \/ 2 );\"><div class=\"fusion-layout-column fusion_builder_column fusion-builder-column-0 fusion_builder_column_1_1 1_1 fusion-flex-column\" style=\"--awb-bg-size:cover;--awb-width-large:100%;--awb-margin-top-large:0px;--awb-spacing-right-large:1.92%;--awb-margin-bottom-large:20px;--awb-spacing-left-large:1.92%;--awb-width-medium:100%;--awb-spacing-right-medium:1.92%;--awb-spacing-left-medium:1.92%;--awb-width-small:100%;--awb-spacing-right-small:1.92%;--awb-spacing-left-small:1.92%;\"><div class=\"fusion-column-wrapper fusion-column-has-shadow fusion-flex-justify-content-flex-start fusion-content-layout-column\"><div class=\"fusion-title title fusion-title-1 sep-underline sep-solid fusion-title-text fusion-title-size-four\"><h4 class=\"fusion-title-heading title-heading-left fusion-responsive-typography-calculated\" style=\"margin:0;--fontSize:16;--minFontSize:16;line-height:1.5;\"><h4>INKOVEMA Podcast &#8222;Well through time&#8220;<\/h4><\/h4><\/div><div class=\"fusion-title title fusion-title-2 sep-underline sep-solid fusion-title-text fusion-title-size-one\"><h1 class=\"fusion-title-heading title-heading-left fusion-responsive-typography-calculated\" style=\"margin:0;--fontSize:34;line-height:1.4;\"><h1>#111 &#8211; The apology conversation<\/h1><\/h1><\/div><div class=\"fusion-title title fusion-title-3 sep-underline sep-solid fusion-title-text fusion-title-size-three\"><h3 class=\"fusion-title-heading title-heading-left fusion-responsive-typography-calculated\" style=\"margin:0;--fontSize:20;line-height:1.5;\"><h3>Having difficult conversations V &#8211; Apologising +++ Asking for an apology +++ Regret +++ Forgiveness. In conversation with Rolf Balling<\/h3><\/h3><\/div><div class=\"fusion-text fusion-text-1\"><p>Well through time. The podcast about mediation, conflict coaching and organisational consulting.<\/p>\n<\/div><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"align-self: center;margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:20px;margin-bottom:20px;width:100%;\"><div class=\"fusion-separator-border sep-single\" style=\"--awb-height:20px;--awb-amount:20px;--awb-sep-color:#ffffff;border-color:#ffffff;border-top-width:1px;\"><\/div><\/div><script class=\"podigee-podcast-player\" src=\"https:\/\/player.podigee-cdn.net\/podcast-player\/javascripts\/podigee-podcast-player.js\" data-configuration=\"https:\/\/inkovema.podigee.io\/111-111-schwierige-gesprache-fuhren-v-das-entschuldigungsgesprach-im-gesprach-mit-rolf-balling\/embed?context=external\"><\/script><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"align-self: center;margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:20px;margin-bottom:20px;width:100%;\"><div class=\"fusion-separator-border sep-single\" style=\"--awb-height:20px;--awb-amount:20px;--awb-sep-color:#ffffff;border-color:#ffffff;border-top-width:1px;\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fusion-text fusion-text-2\"><p><strong>Rolf Balling<\/strong>Graduate in business administration (University of Cologne) with a focus on social psychology, 7 years in management functions (marketing\/controlling) at Alcatel-SEL AG, then 10 years as head of the management training and organisational development department, training in TA up to teaching transactional analyst in the field of organisation (12 years part-time), Training in group dynamics (2 years part-time), training in systemic counselling (7 years part-time), from 1990 to 2002 establishment of PROFESSIO GmbH, academy in the field of human resources, as teaching trainer and managing partner.<\/p>\n<\/div><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"align-self: center;margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:20px;margin-bottom:20px;width:100%;\"><div class=\"fusion-separator-border sep-single\" style=\"--awb-height:20px;--awb-amount:20px;--awb-sep-color:#ffffff;border-color:#ffffff;border-top-width:1px;\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fusion-text fusion-text-3\"><h2>Contents:<\/h2>\n<ul>\n<li>\n<div class=\"fusion-text fusion-text-5\">\n<h3 class=\"p1 fusion-responsive-typography-calculated\" data-fontsize=\"20\" data-lineheight=\"30px\"><b>Building blocks of successful apology communication (possible course)<\/b><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p1\">This also results in the individual building blocks of successful apology communication, which can only ensure de-escalation and a relaxed atmosphere in the life, friendship or work relationship when they work together. If individual building blocks are missing or are insufficiently expressed, the atmosphere between the parties involved will remain tense and irritable.<\/p>\n<p><strong>1. the guilty person's wish to apologise:\u00a0<\/strong>The guilty person begins the \"social apology process\" by asking for it:<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><i>\"I would like to apologise to you.\" <\/i><\/p>\n<p><strong>2. injured person declares their willingness to do so:\u00a0<\/strong>The injured person must declare their willingness to participate in such an apology communication:<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><i>\"OK, I'm ready to apologise.\"<\/i><\/p>\n<p><strong>3. common basis of understanding:\u00a0<\/strong>Both parties should then talk about the incident and clarify specifically and precisely what misconduct is involved, what behaviour is in question and is identified as morally and ethically reprehensible by those involved. This is by no means about the assessment as such, but only about the behaviour as such. The two do not have to consider this behaviour to be equally reprehensible. That is not the point, but merely that they are talking about the same thing.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><i>\"OK, so we're talking about the same thing and the same specific behaviour.\"<\/i><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"align-self: center;margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:20px;margin-bottom:20px;width:100%;\"><div class=\"fusion-separator-border sep-single\" style=\"--awb-height:20px;--awb-amount:20px;--awb-sep-color:#ffffff;border-color:#ffffff;border-top-width:1px;\"><\/div><\/div><div style=\"text-align:center;\"><a class=\"fusion-button button-flat fusion-button-default-size button-default fusion-button-default button-1 fusion-button-default-span fusion-button-default-type\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" href=\"https:\/\/dev.inkovema.de\/en\/blog\/getting-feedback-having-difficult-conversations-iv-in-conversation-with-rolf-balling-inkovema-podcast-107\/\"><span class=\"fusion-button-icon-divider button-icon-divider-left\"><i class=\"fa-info-circle fas awb-button__icon awb-button__icon--default\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><\/i><\/span><span class=\"fusion-button-text awb-button__text awb-button__text--default fusion-button-text-left\">Getting feedback. Difficult conversations IV (Podcast #107)<\/span><\/a><\/div><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"align-self: center;margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:20px;margin-bottom:20px;width:100%;\"><div class=\"fusion-separator-border sep-single\" style=\"--awb-height:20px;--awb-amount:20px;--awb-sep-color:#ffffff;border-color:#ffffff;border-top-width:1px;\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fusion-text fusion-text-4\"><p><strong>4. guilty person takes responsibility for the offence:\u00a0<\/strong>The guilty person then takes responsibility for their incorrect, hurtful behaviour and wants to be excused for the fact that they have hurt the other person with this behaviour and thus \"brought guilt upon themselves and burdened the relationship\". For this reason, attempts to justify or apologise (\"But I was also completely overtired...standing next to myself...inattentive, unaware, etc.) do not belong here. This is about unconditional remorse and regret about what happened and your own contribution to it.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><i>\"I take responsibility for my behaviour and regret it.\"<\/i><\/p>\n<\/div><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"align-self: center;margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:20px;margin-bottom:20px;width:100%;\"><div class=\"fusion-separator-border sep-single\" style=\"--awb-height:20px;--awb-amount:20px;--awb-sep-color:#ffffff;border-color:#ffffff;border-top-width:1px;\"><\/div><\/div><div style=\"text-align:center;\"><a class=\"fusion-button button-flat fusion-button-default-size button-default fusion-button-default button-2 fusion-button-default-span fusion-button-default-type\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" href=\"https:\/\/dev.inkovema.de\/en\/blog\/conflict-dialogue-difficult-conversations-iii-balling\/\"><span class=\"fusion-button-icon-divider button-icon-divider-left\"><i class=\"fa-info-circle fas awb-button__icon awb-button__icon--default\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><\/i><\/span><span class=\"fusion-button-text awb-button__text awb-button__text--default fusion-button-text-left\">The conflict conversation. Difficult conversations III (Podcast #104)<\/span><\/a><\/div><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"align-self: center;margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:20px;margin-bottom:20px;width:100%;\"><div class=\"fusion-separator-border sep-single\" style=\"--awb-height:20px;--awb-amount:20px;--awb-sep-color:#ffffff;border-color:#ffffff;border-top-width:1px;\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fusion-text fusion-text-5\"><p><strong>5. formulation of the request for apology:\u00a0<\/strong>The victim of the offence is asked to apologise\/forgive\/forgive. The guilt that both sides agree on (see 3. and 4.) should now be removed from the offender by the victim. As a rule, the uncertainty and emotional tension of the parties involved increases at this point because the request can of course be refused.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><i>\"I ask you to excuse me for this behaviour and the injury it has caused.\"<\/i><\/p>\n<p><strong>6. acceptance of the request for apology:\u00a0<\/strong>The victim of the offence accepts this request if and insofar as forgiveness and thus an apology from the offender (not by the offender!) is possible. By accepting the request, the guilt is taken away from the offender. He is thereby apologised to by the victim. The offender is now free again (from guilt) in the interpersonal relationship and can feel liberated.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><i>\"I apologise.\"<\/i><\/p>\n<p class=\"p3\"><i>In the event of an apology <\/i><\/p>\n<p class=\"p3\"><i>the victim of misconduct has the \"most\" work - <\/i><\/p>\n<p class=\"p3\"><i>and not the culprit of the offence!<\/i><\/p>\n<\/div><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"align-self: center;margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:20px;margin-bottom:20px;width:100%;\"><div class=\"fusion-separator-border sep-single\" style=\"--awb-height:20px;--awb-amount:20px;--awb-sep-color:#ffffff;border-color:#ffffff;border-top-width:1px;\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"align-self: center;margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:20px;margin-bottom:20px;width:100%;\"><div class=\"fusion-separator-border sep-single\" style=\"--awb-height:20px;--awb-amount:20px;--awb-sep-color:#ffffff;border-color:#ffffff;border-top-width:1px;\"><\/div><\/div><div style=\"text-align:center;\"><a class=\"fusion-button button-flat fusion-button-default-size button-default fusion-button-default button-3 fusion-button-default-span fusion-button-default-type\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" href=\"https:\/\/dev.inkovema.de\/en\/blog\/critical-dialogue-difficult-conversations-ii-balling\/\"><span class=\"fusion-button-icon-divider button-icon-divider-left\"><i class=\"fa-info-circle fas awb-button__icon awb-button__icon--default\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><\/i><\/span><span class=\"fusion-button-text awb-button__text awb-button__text--default fusion-button-text-left\">The critique interview. Difficult conversations II (Podcast #103)<\/span><\/a><\/div><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"align-self: center;margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:20px;margin-bottom:20px;width:100%;\"><div class=\"fusion-separator-border sep-single\" style=\"--awb-height:20px;--awb-amount:20px;--awb-sep-color:#ffffff;border-color:#ffffff;border-top-width:1px;\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fusion-image-element\" style=\"--awb-caption-title-font-family:var(--h2_typography-font-family);--awb-caption-title-font-weight:var(--h2_typography-font-weight);--awb-caption-title-font-style:var(--h2_typography-font-style);--awb-caption-title-size:var(--h2_typography-font-size);--awb-caption-title-transform:var(--h2_typography-text-transform);--awb-caption-title-line-height:var(--h2_typography-line-height);--awb-caption-title-letter-spacing:var(--h2_typography-letter-spacing);\"><span class=\"fusion-imageframe imageframe-none imageframe-1 hover-type-none\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"800\" height=\"512\" title=\"IMG_0558\" src=\"https:\/\/dev.inkovema.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/IMG_0558-e1635943865651.jpeg\" data-orig-src=\"https:\/\/dev.inkovema.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/IMG_0558-e1635943865651-800x512.jpeg\" alt class=\"lazyload img-responsive wp-image-9785\" srcset=\"data:image\/svg+xml,%3Csvg%20xmlns%3D%27http%3A%2F%2Fwww.w3.org%2F2000%2Fsvg%27%20width%3D%27960%27%20height%3D%27614%27%20viewBox%3D%270%200%20960%20614%27%3E%3Crect%20width%3D%27960%27%20height%3D%27614%27%20fill-opacity%3D%220%22%2F%3E%3C%2Fsvg%3E\" data-srcset=\"https:\/\/dev.inkovema.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/IMG_0558-e1635943865651-200x128.jpeg 200w, https:\/\/dev.inkovema.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/IMG_0558-e1635943865651-400x256.jpeg 400w, https:\/\/dev.inkovema.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/IMG_0558-e1635943865651-600x384.jpeg 600w, https:\/\/dev.inkovema.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/IMG_0558-e1635943865651-800x512.jpeg 800w, https:\/\/dev.inkovema.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/IMG_0558-e1635943865651.jpeg 960w\" data-sizes=\"auto\" data-orig-sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 800px\" \/><\/span><\/div><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"align-self: center;margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:20px;margin-bottom:20px;width:100%;\"><div class=\"fusion-separator-border sep-single\" style=\"--awb-height:20px;--awb-amount:20px;--awb-sep-color:#ffffff;border-color:#ffffff;border-top-width:1px;\"><\/div><\/div><div style=\"text-align:center;\"><a class=\"fusion-button button-flat fusion-button-default-size button-default fusion-button-default button-4 fusion-button-default-span fusion-button-default-type\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" href=\"https:\/\/dev.inkovema.de\/en\/blog\/bad-news-talk-difficult-conversations-lead-rolf-balling-inkovema-podcast-97\/\"><span class=\"fusion-button-icon-divider button-icon-divider-left\"><i class=\"fa-info-circle fas awb-button__icon awb-button__icon--default\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><\/i><\/span><span class=\"fusion-button-text awb-button__text awb-button__text--default fusion-button-text-left\">Delivering bad news. Difficult conversations I (Podcast #97)<\/span><\/a><\/div><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"align-self: center;margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:20px;margin-bottom:20px;width:100%;\"><div class=\"fusion-separator-border sep-single\" style=\"--awb-height:20px;--awb-amount:20px;--awb-sep-color:#ffffff;border-color:#ffffff;border-top-width:1px;\"><\/div><\/div><script class=\"podigee-podcast-player\" src=\"https:\/\/player.podigee-cdn.net\/podcast-player\/javascripts\/podigee-podcast-player.js\" data-configuration=\"https:\/\/inkovema.podigee.io\/87-87-erfolgsfaktoren-von-entschuldigungen-im-gesprach-mit-justus-duhnkrack\/embed?context=external\"><\/script><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"align-self: center;margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:20px;margin-bottom:20px;width:100%;\"><div class=\"fusion-separator-border sep-single\" style=\"--awb-height:20px;--awb-amount:20px;--awb-sep-color:#ffffff;border-color:#ffffff;border-top-width:1px;\"><\/div><\/div><script class=\"podigee-podcast-player\" src=\"https:\/\/player.podigee-cdn.net\/podcast-player\/javascripts\/podigee-podcast-player.js\" data-configuration=\"https:\/\/inkovema-episoden-der-mediation.podigee.io\/7-07-edm-gewalt-und-mediation-iii-bejahung-der-gewalt-und-entschuldigungsnote\/embed?context=external\"><\/script><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"align-self: center;margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:20px;margin-bottom:20px;width:100%;\"><div class=\"fusion-separator-border sep-single\" style=\"--awb-height:20px;--awb-amount:20px;--awb-sep-color:#ffffff;border-color:#ffffff;border-top-width:1px;\"><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":11109,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,183,827,314,42,868],"tags":[919,578,920,923,924,921,922],"class_list":["post-11108","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-allgemein","category-audio","category-entschuldigung","category-inkovema-podcast","category-podcast","category-schwierige-gespraeche-fuehren","tag-bedauern","tag-entschuldigung","tag-entschuldigungsbitte","tag-loslassen","tag-taktik","tag-taeter-opfer-ausgleich","tag-verzeihen"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev.inkovema.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11108","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev.inkovema.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev.inkovema.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.inkovema.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.inkovema.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11108"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dev.inkovema.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11108\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.inkovema.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11109"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev.inkovema.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11108"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.inkovema.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11108"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.inkovema.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11108"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}